peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
