sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
