I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
