why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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