My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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