i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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