Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
