This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
