I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize