i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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