im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
