The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
