Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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