I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
