How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
