Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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