hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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