it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
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your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
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I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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