Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
