I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
