Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
and she was petting her beer can
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
