But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
