I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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