she was so not down for the gang bang
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
