she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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