She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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