Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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