There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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