the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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