is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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