3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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