my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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