very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
