The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize