It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
