Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
