I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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