Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
