I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
