In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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