i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My dad just said "fuck circus"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
