my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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