She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
