Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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