I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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