We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
