You're my little dorito
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
