apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
