I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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