My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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