My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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