Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
