Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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