you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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