Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
