yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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