I think i sorta joined a cult last night
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
