You kept calling me your small dog last night.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
