hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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