just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
