He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
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Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
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He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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