like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You need a sexual gate keeper
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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