I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
