oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
