Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
two words: eviction party
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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