so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
