just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
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Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
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Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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