she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
