for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
